FUCK. I try so hard to not act this way. like a pathetic dog that misses it’s owner. I loved you so much and now I’m forced to not act that way towards you. It’s hurts so fucking much and the only way I can get by is if I don’t see you which makes me not remember that you don’t love me anymore. You said nothing will change but it’s like you want nothing to do with me, whenever I try to talk to you and you respond it feels so empty like im annoying you which I’m probably am. I thought I was close to getting used to this, but now it’s like im relapsing. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. knowing that you can and probably will find someone way better than me even though you say that won’t happen for a long time like you also said we would never end, that this wouldn’t end and now look, you broke my heart while I was already shattered. Your happiness makes me happy believe me. but fuck I still want you in my life. You said that your a realist and that I should get real too. Why? Who says we have to be realistic. I wasn’t being realistic when I tried to talk to you knowing you were way out of my league. Now that I think about it. Through that past years, I’ve been the one that’s been more real. how I would say you would get tired of me and all that…When you were in that dark state for a LONG time I tried my fucking best. MY BEST to help you in any possible form even though I was in a far worse state. You got over it and I was so fucking happy because I did not want you to kill yourself. Now look, I’m in an even worse mental and emotional state. I really don’t know how long I will last. I had fun talking to you today even when I knew you weren’t. I love you. Just like before with david and steve I will always be there like the dog I am. your fucking pet